I'm in love with some music right now. I love it when I'm in love with some music. Life is dull and fuzzy when I'm not in love with some music. My friend Leila and I used to share our favorite stuff at work. She left Austin about a year ago. She's in New Mexico, untethered and soaking in experience...a decidedly disconnected experience as she's living on a Native American reservation with her boyfriend - not much internet access there I'm afraid. I miss her. She would like my new loves and she would provide me with more.
Leila worked with me as a casino game programmer. Very smart girl and a very good programmer. But she is far too free-spirited and creative to live in a cube farm for long. By trade she was technical. She's an artist at soul...actor, writer, musician. She teaches acting classes and often tried to convince me to attend. I always resisted...but really wanted to do it. Inhibitions suck. Leila and I have a lot in common and she nurtured that within me that I often neglect...still does occasionally...when she gets a chance to plug in.
She ended up in New Mexico and in her current relationship quite by accident and quite abruptly. She's readjusted her dreams and goals as she's become more consumed with her lover and fascination with his world. And, she has no family or friends of her own w/in about an 800 mile radius. I'm conflicted about all of this. I want to be and will be supportive of her. And I can't say that I would never do something similar...I'm equally as impulsive and desire driven as she. But I'm worried about her. Great way to kill a free spirit...become slowly and increasingly bound to an isolated environment with ever growing responsibilities and no support of your own. She's talking about having kids...it's difficult for me to say how serious she is about that but I know her boyfriend is about 20 years older than she and is very ready to start a family. My own parallel issues have me screaming internally (really, really loudly screaming) for her to get the fuck out now. But I know that if it were me...I wouldn't. I'd ride the wave and muddle about in its aftermath. At least that's what I would've done. She says she's very happy though. Can't really argue with that.
So for Leila and our Resonance (which I still keep, by the way)...the flavors d'jour:
KT Tunstall - Drastic Fantastic (really nothing more one can say - she is my musical pinnacle right now)
Uh Huh Her - I See Red (pretty sublime freshman LP...love Mystery Lights)
Damien Rice - 9 (just as good as his first album...it has this subtle power that I just love)
Lisa Marie Presley - What Now (yeah...that's right...Lisa Marie Presley. Look it...she rocks, she growls and she's fuckin' hot. I'm loving I'll figure it Out and Turn to Black).
Thursday, October 4, 2007
Eureka
You really haven't lived until you drive around on your motorcycle with your IPod blasting away in your ears. This is seriously fun stuff. A little dangerous perhaps? Yeah...motorcycles combined with auditory sensory deprivation probably isn't the safest thing in the world. I can just hear the stories in my head:
- she crashed her bike? oh god...how?
- she sort of ran into a car while changing lanes...she had her IPod on ya know.
- mmm-hmm...
I knock on wood as I type this...lots of wood.
I was pondering the whole opposites attract thing the other day. It's funny how cherry-picked analogies have a way of propgating throughout a culture. There are 4 fundamental forces in the Universe as we understand it. They are the strong nuclear force, the electrmagnetic force, the weak nuclear force and gravity. Gravity is by far the weakest of the four, which is a bit of a puzzle to Physicists. Hell...gravity in general is a bit of a puzzle to physicists. We can describe it's effects but not its mechanisms or explain why it's so much weaker compared to the other forces.
Sorry...digressing...
Opposites attract as applied to people is taken from the electromagnectic force...which is the second strongest of the 4. It's the thing that holds atoms together. Electrons are attracted to protrons and vise-versa. But it's often not very difficult to strip an electron from an atom. I think about my son sliding down slides and his hair standing straight up and out and every which way when he reaches the end. As he slides down, the friction between his bottom and the slide results in his stripping and gaining electrons from atoms on the slide...he becomes electrically charged...and poof with the hair. It's not always easy to strip electrons from atoms, but we do it all the time as we move around in the omnipresent friction on this planet. Analogies abound here, but I'll just leave it.
The strong nuclear force is the attraction/binding of protons and nuetrons in the nucleus of an atom. Protons repel other protons and nuetrons actually don't much like each other either. So how do we get elements besides Hydrogen (which has a single proton and neutron). Turns out that the quarks and gluons that make up a proton attract each other if the protons become sufficiently close to one another (I mean really, really close). And it takes a LOT of energy to get them close enought. But, once protons bind, it takes a great deal of energy to separate them. It's doable, but you have to induce nuclear fission (splitting the nucleus of an atom) in order to accomplish it. So a proton binding is actually the strongest force in the Universe. Likes attract...very strongly.
To digress once more, nuclear fusion is the process of binding atoms at the nucleus. When atoms are fused an extraorinday amount of energy is released. Nuclear fusion is the engine that drives stars and prevents the stars from collapsing under the force of their own gravity. I can't say why, but I find the idea of fusion and the equilibrium of a star irresistably beautiful. Romantic.
And more analogies emerge. The bigger the star, the faster it goes through its supply of nuclear fuel. All elements up to iron can be fused to make the next element on the periodic table...but iron is too heavy to fuse...takes too much energy. Once a star has exhausted its fuel up to iron, gravity wins....gravity always wins. The bigger the star, the shorter its life. The bigger the star, the more violent its life and death (the more gas and other elements that collapse under the weight of the star's gravity, the more violent the implosion...and resulting explosion (nova) if the star is big enough). If the star is big enough, it's death will result in a black hole...from which, nothing can escape.
I had a super giant star relationship once.
- she crashed her bike? oh god...how?
- she sort of ran into a car while changing lanes...she had her IPod on ya know.
- mmm-hmm...
I knock on wood as I type this...lots of wood.
I was pondering the whole opposites attract thing the other day. It's funny how cherry-picked analogies have a way of propgating throughout a culture. There are 4 fundamental forces in the Universe as we understand it. They are the strong nuclear force, the electrmagnetic force, the weak nuclear force and gravity. Gravity is by far the weakest of the four, which is a bit of a puzzle to Physicists. Hell...gravity in general is a bit of a puzzle to physicists. We can describe it's effects but not its mechanisms or explain why it's so much weaker compared to the other forces.
Sorry...digressing...
Opposites attract as applied to people is taken from the electromagnectic force...which is the second strongest of the 4. It's the thing that holds atoms together. Electrons are attracted to protrons and vise-versa. But it's often not very difficult to strip an electron from an atom. I think about my son sliding down slides and his hair standing straight up and out and every which way when he reaches the end. As he slides down, the friction between his bottom and the slide results in his stripping and gaining electrons from atoms on the slide...he becomes electrically charged...and poof with the hair. It's not always easy to strip electrons from atoms, but we do it all the time as we move around in the omnipresent friction on this planet. Analogies abound here, but I'll just leave it.
The strong nuclear force is the attraction/binding of protons and nuetrons in the nucleus of an atom. Protons repel other protons and nuetrons actually don't much like each other either. So how do we get elements besides Hydrogen (which has a single proton and neutron). Turns out that the quarks and gluons that make up a proton attract each other if the protons become sufficiently close to one another (I mean really, really close). And it takes a LOT of energy to get them close enought. But, once protons bind, it takes a great deal of energy to separate them. It's doable, but you have to induce nuclear fission (splitting the nucleus of an atom) in order to accomplish it. So a proton binding is actually the strongest force in the Universe. Likes attract...very strongly.
To digress once more, nuclear fusion is the process of binding atoms at the nucleus. When atoms are fused an extraorinday amount of energy is released. Nuclear fusion is the engine that drives stars and prevents the stars from collapsing under the force of their own gravity. I can't say why, but I find the idea of fusion and the equilibrium of a star irresistably beautiful. Romantic.
And more analogies emerge. The bigger the star, the faster it goes through its supply of nuclear fuel. All elements up to iron can be fused to make the next element on the periodic table...but iron is too heavy to fuse...takes too much energy. Once a star has exhausted its fuel up to iron, gravity wins....gravity always wins. The bigger the star, the shorter its life. The bigger the star, the more violent its life and death (the more gas and other elements that collapse under the weight of the star's gravity, the more violent the implosion...and resulting explosion (nova) if the star is big enough). If the star is big enough, it's death will result in a black hole...from which, nothing can escape.
I had a super giant star relationship once.
Thursday, September 27, 2007
Intro
I spend a lot of time ruminating and proselytizing in my head (and sometimes to my exasperated partner), but I don't do much (ok...any) creative writing. So this'll be an interesting endeavor. I imagine most posts will result from some issue that has me suitably disturbed or excited...rants, tirades, blitherings, etc. Should be lots o' fun.
My therapist asked me to start writing. Her stated goal is to aid the integration of my cerebral hemispheres. Hmmm..."aid the integration of my cerebral hemispheres" - really? I'm feelin' pretty integrated as it turns out...but then who could really say what discontinuity feels like. The gist as I understand it is that the two hemispheres sort of have their own domain of functions, but they don't work well together. I'm not entirely convinced that's true in my case, but I figure a good blog or two couldn't hurt me. Naturally I'm suspicious that my therapist (to whom I'll heretofore refer to as Eta Smith Pry...or just Eta) has other motives as well. Maybe Eta can get some juicy stuff outta me this way that doesn't tend to come out in session. I don't know this for a fact, but I'm just sayin'. Or maybe Eta is hoping to find some tidbit she could use to forge a "deeper connection" between therapist and client. Again...dunno for sure, but could be. Well...if so, Eta just might be on to something. That's exactly the sort of thing I may think in session and wouldn't say.
I have to say, this whole thing seems rather self-involved...blogging, that is. Feels a little gross...like certainly there are more profound and important things to be writing about than myself or my perspective on things. But then I guess if you can't do that, you can't really write.
I should be working. But...alas, work bores me to pain. The kind of pain that involves driving nails through my eye sockets. I suppose I chose the wrong profession. Computers are dull, tediously subservient little things that should require very little of time from anyone. I should be out inspecting volcanoes, ocean vents or large rock formations for the last great meteor impact. Or the rockstar thing would work well for me, I think. Lots of travel and meeting interesting people. Good music could be involved.
Well...I must be off. Time to get a little work done before I leave...apparently I'm being paid or some such thing.
-S
My therapist asked me to start writing. Her stated goal is to aid the integration of my cerebral hemispheres. Hmmm..."aid the integration of my cerebral hemispheres" - really? I'm feelin' pretty integrated as it turns out...but then who could really say what discontinuity feels like. The gist as I understand it is that the two hemispheres sort of have their own domain of functions, but they don't work well together. I'm not entirely convinced that's true in my case, but I figure a good blog or two couldn't hurt me. Naturally I'm suspicious that my therapist (to whom I'll heretofore refer to as Eta Smith Pry...or just Eta) has other motives as well. Maybe Eta can get some juicy stuff outta me this way that doesn't tend to come out in session. I don't know this for a fact, but I'm just sayin'. Or maybe Eta is hoping to find some tidbit she could use to forge a "deeper connection" between therapist and client. Again...dunno for sure, but could be. Well...if so, Eta just might be on to something. That's exactly the sort of thing I may think in session and wouldn't say.
I have to say, this whole thing seems rather self-involved...blogging, that is. Feels a little gross...like certainly there are more profound and important things to be writing about than myself or my perspective on things. But then I guess if you can't do that, you can't really write.
I should be working. But...alas, work bores me to pain. The kind of pain that involves driving nails through my eye sockets. I suppose I chose the wrong profession. Computers are dull, tediously subservient little things that should require very little of time from anyone. I should be out inspecting volcanoes, ocean vents or large rock formations for the last great meteor impact. Or the rockstar thing would work well for me, I think. Lots of travel and meeting interesting people. Good music could be involved.
Well...I must be off. Time to get a little work done before I leave...apparently I'm being paid or some such thing.
-S
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